These Things Take Time
by shakespeare's sister
Summary: Remus has a crush, although it takes him a while to realise. Sirius offers help against his better judgement, but in the end Remus doesn't need it. RLSS.
1. Bathroom

Severus Snape was in the Prefects' bathroom, brushing his teeth. It was 3am or thereabouts, so he had reason to feel fairly secure that he would be uninterrupted. His hazy calculations, however, did not take into account the nocturnal habits of a fellow prefect.

Remus Lupin muttered the password to the guardian statue, and stepped past it into the cool, clean-smelling darkness. He too believed himself to be alone and consequently made his way to the boys' bath, started the taps, stripped off (folding his clothes as he went) and climbed in. Remus made no secret of his love for a good bubble bath, and he simply oozed contentment as he floated happily on his back. Water filled his ears and all he could hear was the rushing and swooshing of his own blood. He closed his eyes.

Severus left the sink area, and padded back into the main room with bare feet slapping softly on the tiles. As he heard the faint lapping of water coming from the bath, he froze. Remus had turned on no lights, lit no lamps, so had inconveniently given Severus very little warning of his presence.

Snape, meanwhile, considered calling out as an affront to his cherished dignity. He walked into the bathroom, and took out his wand.

'Lumos.'

The glare of light through his eyelids roused Remus out of his reverie, and his eyes snapped open. A split second elapsed before he realised just how naked and visible he was, and put his feet on the bottom, hands protectively cupping where boys' hands most readily fly.

'Ah – Severus,' he said, discomfited. 'Hello. I didn't know you were here.'

'Obviously,' Snape commented, eyebrows raised. Remus noted the dishevelled hair, the bare feet.

'You have, er, toothpaste,' he said inconsequentially, and touched his own cheek. 'No, other side.'

Severus wiped it off, still staring at him with that unreadable black gaze. Little did Remus the modest guess, but despite his apparent composure, he was actually fighting to gain his self-control and think of some way to extricate himself from the situation, pride intact. But all he could think of was Remus, floating in the bath with a happy smile on his lips… foam caught in tangled hair… a huge scar on his shoulder marring his pale skin. He could still see the tip of it, as Remus stood almost neck-deep in foamy water.

'What is that scar from?' he blurted out, and immediately realised. He cursed his stupidity, his lack of control. His eyes unwillingly met Remus'.

'It from when the werewolf bit me,' Remus replied unblinkingly.

Severus nodded brusquely.

'I'll leave you to finish your bath,' he said.

'You don't have to go,' Remus said, and then wondered why. 'How come you're up so late?'

'I often cannot sleep,' Severus confessed.

'Couldn't you make a potion for that?'

'I could – I do – but I enjoy wakefulness at night.'

'Me too. It's so quiet, no people around… and so beautiful. Things look better in the dark.'

'Is that why you had no lights on?'

'Yes – I think it's more relaxing.'

'Hmm,' said Snape, giving the impression that he was not a mere mortal who required relaxation.

'I don't mean to keep you here against your will.'

'I should think it would take more than _you_ to do that,' Snape's pride snapped out. Then he realised the inference – that he wished to remain with Lupin. He clenched his jaw.

'I have no doubt,' Remus said thoughtfully. Then, with his accustomed tact, he changed the subject. 'Sometimes I think the only part of being a prefect that I really enjoy is using the bathroom.'

'I _know_ it is the only part _I_ enjoy,' Snape said dryly. 'Shepherding first years and putting insolent brats in detention is not my idea of fun.'

'So why do you do it?'

'I was not aware there was an element of choice in the matter.'

'There's _always_ a choice… do you think Dumbledore'd force you into anything? You could always hand your badge in…'

'No,' Snape said emphatically. 'I will not quit. And besides, if it gets Lucius Malfoy off my back, it cannot be all bad.'

'Lucius Malfoy.'

'You are, I am sure, aware of he and his companions' mania for pure-bloodedness and abject cruelty?'

'Yes… but I assumed… you _are_ a Slytherin.'

'Voldemort is a half-blood,' Snape said, the name echoing like a whip crack, 'and he was a Slytherin. And so am I. Unfortunately this illustrious precedent does not advantage me in the eyes of dear Lucius.'

'So why did the Hat put you – and Voldemort – in Slytherin?'

'Ambition. I had it on my head, and it said things about intelligence and courage, but it concluded my driving force was ambition.'

'Ambition to do – what?'

Snape looked faintly disconcerted for a moment.

'I – I do not know.'

'What's your favourite subject?'

'Defence Against the Dark Arts.' No hesitation.

'Perhaps you will be a great Auror.'

'Spend my extremely short life attempting to hunt down witches and wizards the Ministry deems 'dangerous'? No thank you.'

'Well, what then?'

'I do not know. Slughorn has been showering political leaflets on me but – I do not know.'

'I suppose you don't have to decide quite yet… although I suppose we've already limited ourselves, by what NEWTs we've chosen.'

'And what have you chosen, Lupin?'

'Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, Astronomy – and Potions,' Remus reeled off.

'To do – what?'

'Healing at St. Mungo's. My mum's a Healer – I think it's really interesting, and you can make people better. It's something worth doing.'

'What of those you cannot cure?'

'At least I'll know I've done my best.'

'Do you think being a werewolf will be a problem?'

There it was, out in the open, spoken aloud. The question that constantly haunted Remus. The question whose possible answer was too potentially devastating to attempt to discover.

'I don't know,' Remus said in a small voice, and turned away. 'I'm going to get out. Could you leave, please?'

Snape, with a flash of perception quite alien to him, realised it was not with he himself that Remus was offended. It was simply the fact that he had spoken a thought that Remus was obviously trying to ignore, and forced it to his notice.

It was out of character for Remus to be so irrational and irritable, so Snape replied with something equally out of character. He apologised.

'I'm sorry. That was thoughtless of me.' Being Snape, though, he couldn't leave it at that. 'But Lupin – I know you don't want to, but you should at least _think_ about what I said.'

A less fair, less even-tempered individual would have exploded at this, but Remus did not. He took in the sense of Snape's words, digested the significance of the apology.

'You're right. Of course. But you have to understand. I've wanted to do this for so long. If I can't do that – well, what _will_ I do? Who'll employ a werewolf?'

'I don't know,' Snape replied honestly. 'You should talk to McGonagall.'

'I will,' Remus resolved.

'And I should leave you to your bath.'

'I do have to get out now anyway. See you tomorrow, probably. And thanks, Severus.' He meant it. His friends loved him too much to say things that needed be said, and Snape had said them.

'You're welcome,' Snape replied graciously, and departed with a swish of black robes.

Remus soaped himself thoughtfully. His hand lingered slightly too long on a certain part of his anatomy and the confounded mermaid on the wall giggled so that he whisked it away hurriedly and shampooed his hair, blushing furiously.

Both boys thought about their conversation as they laid in bed a bit later; Remus about Severus' blunt but not unkind honesty, and Severus about Remus' polite pleasantness – and vulnerability.


	2. Astronomy

Remus attempted to convey some of his experience the previous night to his fellow Gryffindors the next morning. Peter and James scoffed and dismissed it out of hand, but Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet and thoughtful all through breakfast and Transfiguration. Then, when Remus was packing his bag to set off for Herbology and James and Peter were mobbing around at the front of the class, Sirius tackled him.

'You should be careful of Snape,' he said abruptly.

'What? Why?'

'The people he hangs around with – I know them – well, my _family_ knows them. They're not – good.'

'Not good?'

'They're – well, I've heard they're mixed up with You Know Who.'

'You think Severus is a Death Eater?' Remus exclaimed.

'Yes – no – I don't know. I'm not trying to stop you doing what you want, you know that Re – just, be careful.'

'I will,' said Remus quietly. It was funny how much Sirius had matured since both the Shrieking Shack incident and his acrimonious departure from the Black ancestral home. He had learned to appreciate Sirius much more, though the occasional blankness behind his grey eyes both frightened and touched Remus's ever-tender heart.

It was with Sirius's gentle warning ringing in his ears that Remus trudged off to Astronomy. He quite enjoyed the theory classes, though not nearly as much as the bimonthly stargazing sessions at midnight. Today, however, he wasn't thinking about stars and planets, but about Severus.

He reached the classroom early and went in, only to find Severus sitting there alone, an enchantment of the Lupus constellation floating above his head. Remus blushed slightly.

'Lupin,' Severus said. He waved his wand and the stars vanished.

Remus stood rooted to the spot and they stared at each other speechlessly until Professor Sinistra stalked in.

'There's a sickness that has decimated our class of Ravenclaws,' she said. 'So it is just the two of you today. I thought we should maximise this opportunity – here, Severus, come and sit at the front by Remus -' who had taken his usual seat, 'and we will discuss what we have covered so far this year. And then, perhaps, we will learn some things that are not in your Astronomy NEWT but which I hope you will find interesting.'

There was the momentary social embarrassment as Severus took the seat next to Remus, and then Professor Sinistra began to quiz them on the constellations and planetary movement they had covered that year, as well as the phases of the moon and rare aberrations. The professor knew about Remus's conditions as, indeed, did all the teaching staff, but she wasn't aware of Severus also knowing. An uncomfortable ten minutes followed for Remus, as both Sinistra and Severus pretended they didn't know how unpleasant it was for him to discuss the waxing and weaning of the moon.

He was extremely glad, therefore, when Professor Sinistra shut _Studies of the Heavens_ by Patrick Copernicus, but his relief didn't last long.

'I am going to teach you,' announced Sinistra, 'how to conjure constellations. I suppose strictly speaking this is a charm, and a difficult charm, but you need to have an intimate knowledge of the constellation and consequently, this is not part of your NEWT syllabus.

'Do either of you know how to cast this spell?'

Both boys were silent. Remus looked quizzically at Severus. Usually the Slytherin enjoyed the chance to show up a Gryffindor.

'Well, the incantation is _Mirabilis Stella_, but the difficulty lies in both the wand action and the mental image required. You see, the wand action varies from constellation to constellation. Even that, however, is not the greatest challenge. That lies in the picture in your head you must concentrate on.

'To make the charm work, you must associate the constellation with something personal. For example, with the unicorn, you must have a peaceful, healing, beautiful experience in your mind. If you have ever seen a unicorn, that will answer, but if not, you must dig deeper.'

She gave them a moment and then demonstrated the wand action again, before bidding them one by one to attempt the charm.

Remus, who had been concentrating hard on sitting at the top of the astronomy tower at night, staring at a weaning moon and a thousand bright stars in the crisp winter air, managed to conjure the constellation at the first attempt. Severus, however, seemed to be having some difficulty. He had the wand action and incantation mastered, and so Remus realised he must have been struggling with the beautiful mental image necessary. The thought made him suddenly terribly sad.

Professor Sinistra must have realised this, because she gazed at Severus with something like pity in her brown eyes before suggesting another constellation.

'Do either of you boys have a preference?' she asked.

Severus was silent.

'Yes,' Remus blurted out. 'The Lupus.'

Sinistra started and looked at him narrowly, but suspecting nothing from her most attentive student, acquiesced.

Severus was staring at Remus; he could feel those black eyes boring into his profile but he didn't dare turn to meet the gaze.

'You might imagine that for this constellation you would have to imagine fear,' Sinistra said, 'but actually, you need to remember an experience with someone towards whom you feel loyal and protective and kind, someone who you want to save from harm. In essence, you must become the wolf. I warn you, though, that this is a particularly tricky one.'

Remus was barely listening; he was still digesting this surprising information.

'Severus, you first,' said the teacher.

She, though not Remus, was taken aback to see Severus master this after his failure with the unicorn on his first attempt. Remus, in the midst of his confused thoughts, noted one thing about Severus's star-wolf. Its eyes were almost orange – browny-orange…

Remus made a token, half-hearted effort to conjure the charm. After one failure, he pulled himself together.

_Now, who would I most like to look after and keep safe from harm…_ he thought desperately. James, Sirius, Peter… no, they could all look after each other. But what about… yes…

He let the wolf take him over… an image, crystal-clear, of Severus in his mind, being taunted by the other Marauders, and Remus conjured a bright, beautiful Lupus.

'Well done, both of you!' cried the professor. 'I wasn't expecting either of you to manage that – certainly not so fast. Ten points each, and now I think it's time to finish. Hopefully next week the Ravenclaws will have recovered and we can move onto galaxies.'

With that, she swept briskly from the room. Severus was about to follow him, when he was stopped by a hesitant Remus,

'How did you learn to do those constellation things?' Remus asked.

'I only really learnt one: Lupus. I wanted a challenge. I was reading a practical Astronomy book one day and happened to stumble across the spell.'

'What were you thinking of? When you conjured it, I mean.'

'Lupin, would _you_ tell _me_ that? No? Well then…'

And he was gone in the familiar swish of robes.

Remus was left alone, pondering the last. No, he certainly wouldn't have told Severus that he was thinking of him. But surely Severus was thinking of something like a younger brother or sister, maybe… did he even have siblings? He was so very mysterious, and that brusque way of his…

But Remus was a perceptive boy, and he knew that brusqueness was not always due to rudeness. And for all Severus's brusqueness, he didn't feel that the boy disliked him the way he did the other Marauders.

The wizarding world has named some of the stars and constellations differently to the muggle world… luckily for me. Hurray for poetic license!


	3. Library

The four Marauders were in the library. Remus was working on a Potions essay that he knew Sirius or James would ask to 'read' sooner the deadline. As it was, they were playing catch with Remus's bottle of ink, firmly corked. Lucky for them, Madam Pince was in another wing, doing something obscure with her beloved antique categorising system. Peter was hovering round James, trying to become included in the game and failing dismally.

_The eternal triangle_, Remus thought to himself as he wrote about the uses of _Primula vulgaris_ in mood-altering potions. But his attention was soon grabbed as James hissed, 'Look Sir! Snivellus!'

Sirius merely raised one eyebrow, but Remus's relief was quickly shattered.

'What'll we do to him, Jamie?'

James looked down at the ink bottle in his hand, and then in the direction that Severus had walked. He smiled a wicked grin. Sirius shook his head in a manner clearly meant to be throwaway and bored, but Remus wasn't deceived. He knew Sirius, knew how he felt about tormenting Snape, and he was grateful for his friend's thoughtfulness. But Peter had no such insight, and no such qualms. He returned James' grin, and together they set off after Severus.

Sirius sat down next to Remus.

'Can't you stop them?' Remus asked.

'Sorry Remy-boy, you know there's no stopping Jay when he's on the prowl after Snape.'

Remus ran a hand through his hair and laid his quill down roughly, spattering black ink like sooty raindrops. He could hear raised voices, then a cry of protest; Snape's voice.

Merlin knew he's been in this position before… his mind drifted, and suddenly he remembered the class earlier. Lupus… protecting Severus… he hadn't just been _imagining_ he was the wolf, though, he _was_ the wolf. And yet he would sit and do nothing. Again.

No – not this time. This time he _would_ protect Severus from his carelessly cruel friends. He stood up purposefully.

Sirius stared at him but said nothing. He had a moment of sudden, shocking clarity – well before Remus himself.

Remus walked over to where he had heard the voices emanating from. Severus stood, wand out and pointing straight at James, who held the bottle of ink, uncapped now. There were flecks of ink on Severus's face, and James' fingers were deep black as though they had been dipped into the bottle. Peter, meanwhile, had _his_ wand pointing at Severus. Both he and James wore mocking grins, whilst on Severus's face there was a look of desperation, corneredness, and he was glancing round as though looking for a non-existent escape route.

So it happened that his eyes met Remus's first. James and Peter followed his gaze.

'Hey Moony – come to join in?' Peter asked.

'No, actually,' Remus said, and though he was terrified, he was surprised at how steady his voice was. 'I've come to tell you stop, and to leave Severus alone.'

'Re?' James said, shocked. 'So it's 'Severus' now, is it?'

'Yes. It's his name, and he's my friend. So please stop all this.'

Peter's demeanour was defiant, but James slowly put down the bottle and, at a glance from him, Peter lowered his wand.

'We don't mess with Marauders' friends,' James said slowly, 'but _Snivellus_? I just don't know you any more, Re.'

And with that, he and Peter walked off.

'I'm sorry,' Remus said, and Snape looked surprised.

'Why are you apologising?'

'All those times when I've sat back and done nothing… I've despised myself,' and Remus was unnerved to find his voice tremble now. 'And I'm sorry that my friends seem to have to give you a hard time. But it's not going to happen any more.'

'I suppose you want my thanks.'

'I don't deserve them. I should have done this a long time ago.'

'_I_ should be able to defend myself. It's not your responsibility. And I _can_, you know. Defend myself, I mean. I give as good as I receive.'

'I know… but Severus.'

'Yes?'

'You said I wouldn't tell you what I was imagining when I conjured up Lupus.'

'It's a private matter.'

'But it concerns you. You know I am – a wolf – and I've been ashamed that I didn't act more like the wolf, for the first time in my life. You see, to conjure Lupus, I imaging I was protecting _you_ – from James and Peter - and Sirius.'

Snape was rendered speechless by this frank confession.

'So now you know. Though I _am_ a werewolf, I'm not all bad.'

'I never thought you were,' Snape said softly.

Remus blushed crimson to his roots.

'S-see you in Potions,' he blurted, and turned tail and fled.

When he returned to his table, his books were still there but the three others were gone. With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, totally unrelated to the quickened beating of his heart, Remus packed up his essay and quills, returned the books to their shelves and then departed, to find them.


	4. Advice

He went to the Owlery, the dining hall and the Gryffindor common room, but to no avail. Eventually he ran out of time and had to go to Potions.

There he found James and Sirius (Peter no longer studied Potions, owing to an unfortunate explosion of some Enemy-Detecting Broth, which led to extreme paranoia in the Slytherin and Gryffindor students that didn't wear off for some days. In the mean time, they attempted to assassinate the entire faculty and every other student in the school, and had to be isolated until they returned to normal). He sat in his usual seat, next to Sirius.

'I tried to find you,' he whispered. 'Where did you go?'

'Quiddich pitch. It's the match tomorrow. James wanted to suss it out,' Sirius replied.

James turned and gave Remus a half-reluctant, half-embarrassed smile, but said nothing. Remus smiled back, though the sick feeling didn't go away. It was clear James was still talking to him, but Remus hated for anything to come between he and his friends.

But he forgot that momentarily when Severus Snape stalked in. He took his seat at the back, but when he passed Remus he gave just a flicker of a smile, and Remus's stomach flip-flopped uncontrollably.

He wasn't aware he was still smiling dazedly when Sirius poked him and hissed, 'Are you alright, Re?'

He nodded, but found it hard to muster enough concentration to make the Plant Propagating Potion that Mondaugen set them. His came out a radiant yellow that, when he glanced at Severus's dark green vial of potion on the front desk, he knew was wrong. Sure enough, Mondaugen sneered at it when he placed his own bottle on the front bench.

'Well, Mr Lupin, I don't think this will achieve an A… do you?'

'Er – no, sir.'

'Perhaps next time you'd better read the instructions about snagglewort more carefully, hmm?'

'Yes, sir.'

Sirius gave him a sympathetic glance as he put his own murky potion on the desk. This distracted Mondaugen enough to leave Remus alone, and he scuttled off gratefully.

He was packing his things away when he sensed someone behind him. He turned around and, sure enough, James was there.

'I'm sorry about before,' he said, 'but you should know, I think Severus Snape is a bastard and I don't think you should hang around with him. But if he's your friend, I'll leave him alone from now on.'

'Thanks Jay,' Remus said. 'I think you've misjudged Severus… but as long as you don't torment him anymore…'

'I wouldn't sit by if he starts anything!' James exclaimed. 'And if he does anything to you, I'll… I'll…'

'I don't think he will. But thanks.'

'Don't worry about it,' James grinned, and started packing his own kit away, shaking his head over the lumpy remnants of his potion.

And so, the four Marauders were back to normal (Peter always followed James's lead) and Remus got his way about Severus. But somehow, he was still vaguely dissatisfied, and he didn't know why.

He broached the subject with Sirius a few days later. Since the Whomping Willow occasion, they had grown closer; Sirius's increased maturity and thoughtfulness suited Remus's quiet nature. Remus never knew why Sirius had told Snape where to go to find him, but he had never sought a reason. He had decided that enough breath had been spent on the subject and let it lie. After all, Sirius hated Snape…

'Sir,' he said one night, when the common room was quiet and still. 'Do you think everything's alright – you know, the Severus thing, and James…'

'Yes,' Sirius replied unhesitatingly. 'You worry too much, Re! James is uncomprehending but he likes you more than he hates Snape, so he'll do what you want.'

Remus blushed at the idea of his friend valuing his opinions so much, and gave a little smile.

'Why do you ask?' Sirius said suddenly.

'Well… everything _seems_ alright on the surface, but… I just don't feel right – here,' and Remus laid a hand on his skinny solar plexus. 'As though something's wrong, something's missing.'

Sirius looked at him through narrowed eyes, and remembered that day in the library.

'You know, you've never had a _girl_friend…'

'You think I'm missing a girlfriend? But Sirius, I've never really wanted one. Just doesn't seem to matter to me.'

'Maybe you're looking at it in the wrong way,' Sirius suggested patiently. 'I mean, you're thinking "girlfriend"… maybe instead you need to think about the people you – _like differently_. Is there anyone you've thought about kissing?'

Remus started to shake his head, then stopped, and colour suffused his cheeks once more.

'Yes? Well, that's a start…'

'But, but – it's someone really – unlikely, Sir.'

'Unlikely how?'

'This sounds really weird, but – it's a boy.'

_The penny's dropped!_ Sirius thought. He smiled gently. Remus might have been a bit slow on the uptake but who could help loving him?

'I don't think that's weird.'

'You _don't_?'

'Nope. And muggles even have a name for it – gay. So there must be a lot of people who feel like you.'

Remus's relief was tangible.

'But,' Sirius cautioned hastily, 'don't go telling everyone just yet.'

'Why not?'

'Well – some people – they don't like gay people. I mean, you can bet that the Slytherins would give you a hard time. And besides, a lot of people feel like you when they're young. Sometimes it's just a phase.'

'I don't think it's a phase,' Remus said seriously. Then, 'Why don't some people like – people like me?'

'I'm not sure,' Sirius said. 'Maybe just fear of the unknown. But it doesn't matter what they think. Just – tell people you trust, okay?'

'Okay,' Remus agreed. After all, keeping secrets was second nature to him.

'This – boy – you like. It wouldn't be Severus, would it?'

Remus frankly gawped for a second or two.

'How did you know!'

'A lucky guess,' smiled Sirius. 'But seriously, Re, I don't know how he'd take it. Just test the waters first, before you dive in.'

'I wasn't going to _do_ anything!' Remus exclaimed, horror-struck.

'Nothing ventured, nothing gained,' Sirius said, then screwed up his face. 'Ugh, cliché. But Re, why not at least check what he thinks?'

'I-I couldn't,' Remus said, looking terrified.

'Why the devil not?'

'Because he'd be angry and he'd tell everyone and – no, it's a terrible idea.'

'Come on Re! You can't be alone all your life!'

'I think I probably will,' Remus said sadly. 'I'm a werewolf! Who on earth is going to want me as their boyfriend?'

'Don't give me that! What are your good points?'

'…I'm polite?'

'And…?'

'Er…'

Sirius shook his head and began regaling his friend with his good points, ticking them off on his long fingers.

'You're quiet but your funny, you know your own mind, you're loyal, you're really clever, you have interesting things to say, you're good-looking -'

'Now I know you're lying!'

'Shut it, Re. You're not Mr Teeny-Bopper Heart Throb -' Remus giggled '- but you're striking-looking. Your eyes are really nice… no, not nice, they're amazing. The colour, and they're so big and expressive… your hair's crazy but some people like that! And you have marvellous bones.'

'_Marvellous bones_? Sirius, are you running mad?'

'I'm just trying to show you that you're attractive, really! You could at least take it gracefully, Merlin!'

'Well, Sir, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to seduce me yourself!'

Sirius laughed loudly, but stopped abruptly.

'I could do worse,' he said softly.

This got to Remus where all his friend's extravagant compliments had not. He smiled and blushed, and reached out to mess up Sirius's hair.

'You're a good friend,' he told Sirius affectionately.

'I know,' Sirius said smugly. 'But you have to listen and act on what I say!'

'So, theoretically supposing I was to try and seduce Severus… how would I go about it?'

'First you have to test the waters. Maybe bring up something about being gay… maybe say that you read about it in a book. See what he says – but not what he _says_, more what he _means_. Watch his eyes. Then, if he doesn't seem horrified by the idea, you could come out to him. Tell him you're gay. Note his reaction… you know what I mean. You can tell better than me what he's thinking. And if you think it's positive… maybe ask him outright if he is, or tell him, either way.'

'Right-oh,' Remus said thoughtfully. For all his talk about not telling Severus, he was being won round to the idea. _I could just try step one_… he thought.


	5. Tower

I don't know if anyone has even read this, but I present to you the culmination!

* * *

Remus had been thinking about cornering Severus for a couple of days, but hadn't got anywhere. Every time he thought about him, his stomach filled with butterflies and he became uncomfortably short of breath.

_This isn't getting me anywhere,_ he thought crossly. _I need to go and find somewhere really quiet to just sit and think about this properly._

And so, that evening, he slipped away from the common room and headed for the Astronomy Tower. He had decided a spot of star-gazing would be just the ticket – human problems seemed so tiny and futile when he surveyed those great burning balls of gas that looked so small and serene from his vantage point.

He carefully set up the telescope and focused it on Polaris. Consulting one of the planetary charts, he saw that Saturn should be clearly visible, and after a moment or two's searching, he found it.

Remus was just as fond of planets as of stars, and Saturn was particularly entrancing. He could see its frozen rings encircling it, just a misty aureole until he focused in on them, and then he saw them divine and clear.

He had just breathed out gently, as though any sudden loud noise would disturb the loveliness, when the door creaked open.

He jumped violently, smacking his eye against the telescope, and yelped.

Blinking rapidly, he turned around and saw there the very boy who had driven him up to such a lonely spot in the first place.

'Hello,' he said, wrong-footed.

'Sorry I made you jump,' said Severus uncomfortably. 'I didn't think anyone was here. I would not have disturbed you otherwise.'

'Don't worry about it,' Remus said with a smile. 'Would you like to look at Saturn?'

'Yes,' Severus said, returning the smile and stepping up to the telescope.

Remus watched him as he leaned down to put his eye to the eyepiece, saw his face soften as he saw the great planet.

'It's beautiful, isn't it,' Remus said softly.

'So hard to believe it's so far away,' replied Severus, just as quietly.

Then he straightened up and the spell was broken and both boys were awkward again.

'Do you come here often?' Remus asked, and then could have bitten his tongue off. He had seen enough muggle films to know that that line carried certain connotations. He hoped Severus was ignorant of them.

'Yes,' Severus said simply. 'If there's someone in the bathroom, or if I want to be absolutely sure I won't be disturbed…'

'I was just leaving,' Remus said, feeling sure that that was what Severus wanted.

'No, you weren't,' Severus told him, and laughed, a little hiccup of amusement that didn't fit with his demeanour and ended abruptly. 'Don't leave on my account, Lupin.'

'Oh. Okay.'

Severus set up his telescope meticulously whilst Remus looked through his once more at Saturn and wondered how to implement step one.

Unexpectedly, though, Severus spoke first.

'Were you really thinking about stopping your friends from attacking me when you conjured that Lupus?'

'What? Oh, yes, I was. Why?'

'I was surprised that you told me.'

'I was surprised too,' Remus admitted, and stood up again to look at Snape. 'Why do you ask?'

'I don't know, really. At first I was annoyed, you know. I don't need protection. Then I decided I was wrong to be annoyed; that you were just doing what a friend would do.'

'Well – yeah.'

'I don't really have any friends,' Severus said meditatively, holding his telescope with one hand, the other fidgeting at his side.

'Do you mind? You seem happy in your own company.'

'I am, usually, it's just – sometimes I get a bit lonely.' He looked down as though loneliness was something to be ashamed of, a weakness that should not be confessed.

'You can have all the friends in the world and still feel lonely,' Remus told him honestly.

Severus looked up again, surveying Remus intently as though to discover whether this was true. He seemed satisfied with what he saw.

'I'm tired of having to be defensive all the time,' he declared. 'I'd like to be myself with people, only – I'm not sure what 'myself' means, and whether anyone would like that.'

'I think you're being yourself right now,' Remus said after a pause, 'and I like it.'

At first, Remus thought he'd said something wrong. Severus's face froze into harsh lines and rigid planes. Then, though, those lines and planes softened. A real smile was breaking out. It was such a transformation, such a radiant opening up and flowering, that Remus smiled in sympathy.

Remus's smile had its own special attractions. In repose, his face was sad and tired and pale, raw boned – eyes too wide-set, mouth turned down at the corners, nose crooked. But when he smiled, his mouth looked generous and effusive, his cheeks flushed pink and those eyes took on a charm all of their own.

Their smiles seemed to feed from each other – shy glances to confirm that the other looked happy were enough to maintain the mutual smile. Remus's cheeks were aching but there was such a feeling unfolding in his stomach that he knew he couldn't possibly stop smiling, not if his life depended on it.

_Now would be a good time to try out Sirius's "step one"_, he thought fleetingly, but it just didn't seem important and the thought was gone.

'Do you really like it?' Severus asked him in a voice devoid of mockery, a voice that held the apprehension of someone about to take an enormous leap into the unknown, but who hopes what they find there will be worlds better than what they have left behind.

'Yes,' Remus said, smile gone, eyes like fire in his pale face.

'How – how much?'

'I love it,' Remus whispered, eyes screwed shut to stop himself seeing the inevitable transformation in the way that Severus looked at him, to blot out the disgust or the incomprehension that must surely come.

_I should have stuck with Sirius's advice! I'm such a fucking idiot!_

Nothing happened though, and he opened one eye a crack to see what was going on.

Severus was standing there, but it was difficult to see what he looked like with only one mostly-closed eye, so Remus opened both of his.

He looked scared.

'I was just off anyway,' said Remus in a dire attempt at breeziness.

'Wait,' Severus said in a commanding voice, then, 'please.'

'I really would rather leave…'

'Remus… would you like to know what I was thinking of when I cast the Lupus?'

'Er – if you like, I mean, if you want to tell me.'

'I was thinking about you. About protecting you from yourself, if you understand me. I was thinking about how I want stop the wolf taking hold of you, not because of what it is, but because of what it does to _you_.'

'Oh.' Remus shuffled his feet, flabbergasted. 'Why?'

'_Why_?' Severus asked, sounding almost amused. 'Honestly Remus, you might be clever, but you can't see what's in front of your nose.'

And then he kissed him.


End file.
